The Inner Me!

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Sometimes the inner ‘me’ screams. It screams to be set free! Free of guilt, pain and misery.

Sometimes I feel like shouting out loud! To cry and let Allah know that I cannot take it anymore! That I have had enough! That I am losing the courage to remain steadfast. That I have to drag myself to the prayer mat and that sometimes I don’t even want to pray.

Then I realize, who is it that need my prayers? Allah doesn’t for sure. It is a one way communication anyways. I would cry to Him and tell Him what I am feeling, but He won’t answer me.

Really? Is prayer really a one – way communication? No! Allah says in the Qur’an:

“Indeed, my Lord is near & responsive.” (11:61)

I may not be able to shut my shouts and screams and complains. I may not be able to pray regularly or with as much zeal as I do pray on particular days; yet I shouldn’t give up! I must drag myself to the prayer mat and pray. There’s no way out! If I don’t let out my inner feelings to Allah how else would I feel relieved? How else would I make peace?

After all I am human. I need an outlet. So prayer is not a one – way communication. Allah is ‘All Hearing’ and ‘All Knowing’anyways. It is my need to be heard, that I wish to speak to Him. It is my body’s limitation that it has to fall in sujood to rise in emaan. It is my mind’s manipulation that it has to feel that it is being responded to, to feel loved. It is my heart’s desire to be consoled, to be able to feel cared for.

So there’s no harm in shouting, crying and screaming in pain to Him. But there’s greater peace and everlasting bliss in knowing that indeed He hears our silence too. He understands our sobbing and aching even if we were to weep silently in our solitude, Subhan’Allah!

And according to His promise He will respond too, in His way. In the way He sees it best for us. We need to just have complete Trust in Him!

So the next time I feel I don’t want to pray, I infact would drag myself to my praying spot and perform all actions as I should, believing that the Turner of the hearts knows best, how hurt my heart is at that point in time! Insha’Allah!

Do you sometimes feel the same too?

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